Why need a conductor

If there was no conductor...

Brass: Fuck you woodwind

Woodwind: Fuck you strings

Strings: Fuck you percussion

Percussion: Fuck you brass

Here there’s a conductor

Brass: Fuck you conductor

Woodwind: Fuck you conductor

Strings: Fuck you conductor

Percussion: Fuck you conductor

Water melon [Image]

http://twitpic.com/28sz0b

I love you daddy

567 Anon：2005/12/27(火) 14:41:06 ID:aKgsf8J8O

There is an ordinary family, and now a boy and a girl are fighting.

Their father finds this, and tries to stop it.

Father “Hey you guys, why are you having a fight like this?”

Boy “We are fighting about which of us loves dad more.”

Father “You guys...”

The father patted their head with tears in his eyes, and quietly left the room.

Then they started fighting again.

Boy ”YOU love him more!”

Girl “No, YOU love him!!”

Hell

13 Anon：2010/10/26(火) 19:35:08 ID:hRogcFLb0

The guy who raped and murdered several little girls was given death sentence and executed

He was sent to the hell’s gate.

The guardian of the gate said

“Satan is absent today, and hence you can choose the hell you’re sent to by yourself”

The guy opened hundreds of hell’s gates and saw unimaginably cruel sights.

He noticed that there was one gate he didn’t see inside, and asked

“Hey you, why don’t you show me what’s behind this gate? You said I could choose one myself yay?”

“You can look at it if you want” said the guardian.

Opening the gate and looking inside it, there was none.

“What’s this place? How come there’s no one?”

The guardian said “No-one has chosen this after getting to know what kind of worn is given to.”

“Is this one that horrible? Interesting, do tell me what it is.”

“It’s simple. You’ll be murdered by those who you killed in the same way as you did.”

“What the fuck!? Is that all?”

“Well, in your case, you’ll be killed tens of thousands of times for 500 years in order from those you first killed.”

“Okay, I choose this one.”

“Then you go inside, but you won’t be able to get out of this place for 500 years no matter what happens.”

“That’s exactly what I want!”

The guy went inside, lay down and shouted

“That’s awesome! Come on my girls!! Just fuck me like I did to you haha!!”

Then, the giant legs of ants appeared above him, and crushed him down.

14 Anon：2010/10/26(火) 19:42:16 ID:hRogcFLb0

Being revived with the intense pain on all his body, the giant dragon fly appeared and pulled him neck out.
Soon after being revived again, another ant squashed him.
“I see, that’s what he meant. But I’ll eventually see these little girls I killed hahaha!”
He endured about 250 years while looking forward to seeing these girls.

One day, the giant fishhook tore his mouth and he was thrown on the grass and his head was trampled down.

“This must be exactly one year before the first rape, well, I was 13 and went fishing for my first time then! One more year to see you girls!!!”

Then giant tissue paper appeared above his head.

Intruder while watching a porn

711 Anon：2006/03/09(木) 13:43:35 ID:pNYPZdN6

While I was watching porn, mum came into my room.

I got panicked and said

“What are they making!? A child!! Correct!!” in a joking way to cover up.

Then she said to me

“Sorry for making a child like you”

First time to go to the public bath

29 Anon：2010/05 /20(木) 22:24:21.66 ID:TGkH2QF20

I took my 4 year-old son to a public bath house.

Since he was still little, I took him to the female bath.

It was his first time to come to the public bath.

At a changing room, he shouted

“Mummy! Everyone here has so swelling boobs!!”

Yeah, I’m sorry that mummy is A-cup.

This is your first time to see swelling boobs right?

Since then, my husband takes him to the male bath.

Bear latte [Image]

http://twitpic.com/64n227

Long time no see you

675 Anon：2010/10/31(日) 23:06:34.28 ID:MpoIWlzR0

This was on TV sometimes ago.

To the question “What would you like to bring to heaven?”,

An elderly man answered “A bouquet”

Cos “He will see his wife after a long separation”.

I found it lovely:)

Selling CDs at Comiket

1 Anon: 2010/11/03(水) 21:50:04.86 ID: Kie11NIM0

I recorded my songs, burnt CD-Rs and brought them to the Comiket but I could sell only three copies.

What can I do to sell more?

3 Anon: 2010/11/03(水) 21:51:04.16 ID: 7buqEF6V0

Use CD-RW instead.

“My period hasn’t come for months...”

682 Anon：2009/02/11(水) 20:30:19 ID:79Abayum0

Doesn’t your brain work super fast when girls say
“My period hasn’t come for months...”?

‘Can I feed her and a baby with my low income?
How can I talk about this to my parents?

I need to have a talk with her parents as well.

Where is good for the wedding ceremony?
I hope it’s a boy....hung on, is it really my child?

I always use a condom.....or maybe that night.....

I have to be with her for the rest of my life.

I’ll definitely make her happy.

Or should I just kill this girl and bury her somewhere?

Mountain? Are there any mountains safe from the police?

I should carry her in the night but if I happen to be found by the police, it'll be all over....

Wait, looks like she’s trying me by saying this.

What can I say? What should I say?’

Within two seconds, so many things came up in my mind,
but the first words that came from my mouth was

“Me too”

Unfaireness in job-hunting

119 Anon 2011/01/11(火) 15:34:12.26 ID:WXLohZ6q0

Two girls (A and B), who are going to graduate from their uni soon, were shopping while talking about their job-hunting.

A “C got a job offer from the company I failed”

B “Really? She usually gets about the same grades as you, and both you girls have same qualifications.”

A “Yeah, but C got a position and I didn’t. I really don’t get it why I didn’t.”

They got to a mobile-phone shop.

B “This one and that one, they both have the same functions at the same price. Which one do you want?”

A “If they are the same in terms of features and price, absolutely this cuter one!”

You know Godzilla?

929 Anon 2008/11/11(火) 21:21:35 ID:ZYwWhvyh

I often went to the US with my parents for their job (some nerdy stuff)

When I was still an elementary schooler, my parents took me to a party there but I lost them.

Looking for my parents, a young chubby guy came talk to me.

 (ﾟ∀ﾟ) “Hey what’s up? Are you by yourself? You Japanese?”

(´・ω・) “Yes I’m Japanese. I’m looking for my parents...”

 (ﾟ∀ﾟ) “Japanese! Gozira shitte masuka? (Do you know Godzilla?)”

(´・ω・) “I’ve watched the move a few times”

 (ﾟ∀ﾟ) “Just as I thought! Most of Japanese people watch it right? Mosura no uta utaemasuka? (Can you sing Mothra’s song?)”

(´・ω・) “Yes I can.”

 (ﾟ∀ﾟ) “Teach me! I don’t know what it’s singing about!” he opened his notebook.

 (ﾟ∀ﾟ) “I can read Katakana so can you write the lyrics in it?”

So I wrote the lyrics on the note.

 (ﾟ∀ﾟ) “Yay! Thanks a lot! I love Japanese live action!”

After that, he helped me look for my parents, found them and gave me a small Godzilla doll when he said good-bye.

Yesterday I visited the house of my American friend who I got to know at university.

Her father welcomed me when I got to her place.

 (ﾟ∀ﾟ) “Can you sing Hurricaneger’s song?”

(´・ω・) “Yes I can.”

 (ﾟ∀ﾟ) “Teach me! That’s cool isn’t it? I love Japanese live action!” and he opened his notebook.

(´・ω・) “....Do you know Mothra’s song?”

 (ﾟ∀ﾟ) “Yup, a small Japanese girl taught me ages ago!” and he brought another notebook from his desk.

 (ﾟ∀ﾟ) “See”

(´・ω・) “....This is what I wrote.”

 Σ(ﾟ∀ﾟ) “W-What!?”

It was a coincidental reunion. He loves Japanese live action too much so that he ended up moving to Japan.

By the way my friend is working at a franchising Sushi restaurant.

I was born to love you

351 Anon：2010/08/19(木) 22:43:19 ID:85kLBSMX

Today’s evening at my parents’ place.

My mum was folding the laundry, my son was sleeping with his head on my lap and I somehow felt so happy so I said

“I think I was born to see my son.”

Then my husband, lying next to me, said

“You said you were born to see me when we were married!”

My dad, reading newspaper then said

“You said you were born to see me when you were little!”

My mum then sneered at them and said

“She chose me and came to my belly. She was born to see me! I win!”

Husband and dad were saying like “ugggg” “hmmm I can’t win then” but I don’t quite get this whole conversation.

To which part males/females pay attention [Image]

Zombie

Anon：2008/07/18(金) 01:02:40 ID:dZY623rq0
I was working at a convenient store in the night.
While I was giving change back to a customer, I heard a loud brake sound.
The big crash sound followed, and I looked at the outside.
A bicycle was being blown off behind the window.

Neither customers at the shop nor I could move for a while due to the sudden incident.
I talked to the customer who I gave the change back like “Should we call the ambulance?”
Then, we heard the sound someone came into the shop, and one customer inside screamed.
Looking at the door, there was a man bleeding so badly from his head with dragging feet and a strangely twisted wrist.
Maybe he was the guy hit by a car.

“A-Are you alright? I’ll call an ambulance right now!” said me panickingly,
But the man gave me a gesture saying “Just a moment”,
And picked up two magazines and two cans of coffee.
He brought them to me and said
“I’ll probably be hospitalised for a while so I need them to kill time” while smiling with badly breeding face.

I will never forget that smile....

Significance of the war

194 Anon：2011/05/03(火) 21:46:47.97 ID:gsHmsVal

Last month my grandmother passed away. She was 89 years old.

Since I was the youngest in her grandchildren, she always treated me nicely as the ‘youngest’ girl.

“Aren’t you hungry? There are some sweets like Yōkan and Kintsuba. Have anything you want in my house.”

As I didn’t like traditional Japanese sweets, I always had a difficulty in answering this question.

She had some great-grandchildren as well, but after she got dementia, she often called them by my name.

Probably I was always ‘the youngest girl’ in her memory.

When she nearly reached the end of her life in the hospital, my parents and I could somehow see her before she passed away.

She calmly expressed her gratitude to my parents repeatedly. But when she saw my face she started terribly shaking.

“Aren’t you hungry? Aren’t you hungry? Are you alright? Aren’t you hungry?”

She gave me the same question again and again.

I said “I’m alright, quite full now. I had lunch just minutes ago.”

Listening to this, she felt relief and calmed down.

Dad said “Mum, there was Youkan in the kitchen shelf wasn’t it? She had it so she’s alright now” with tears in his eyes.

“Oh there was Youkan there. Then she should be alright.......Aren’t you hungry? Are you alright?”

We repeated the same conversation a few times, and she fall asleep

She never woke up.

Dad told me that she lost one of her children due to the poverty during and after the war, and her weakened child (my dad’s older sister) survived because of the Yokan given from the chief of the village.

“Aren’t you hungry? Are you alright?”

That was her shout from the bottom of the heart.

This was really my first time to see and know the significance of the war and what it left in people’s heart.

The feeling I had at that time was unspeakable and it gave me a big shock.

These days, my dad sometimes talk to a home shrine.

“Mum, aren’t you hungry? Are you alright?”

He often buys Yokan and puts it on there. He told me that my grandmother barely had Yokan herself even after the peace came back.

What is the war? Why did it have to occur? Why do people feel so sad even after more than 60 years?

I will never forget the night my grandmother passed away.

I will think about the war and its significance myself a lot through my life.

Desperate to see nipples

49 Anon [sage]：2010/11/02(火) 13:16:49 ID:b6xN8rSW

First and foremost, what’s the matter with elementary schoolers’ nipples!!?

Elementary schoolers, adult workers, men, women, wrestlers and sumo wrestlers, they all have mere nipples!!!!

How come just elementary schoolers’ nipples should be hidden!!!!!!???? Is it because someone like me gets excited!!!!!!!??? Fair enough!!!!!!!! Then they shouldn’t be shown!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully not a tatoo [Image]

http://twitpic.com/648o46

Circling "Vagina"

149 Anon 2011/01/11(火) 16:01:19.74 ID:WXLohZ6q0

At secondary school, I forgot an English dictionary so I shared the one of the girl on the next seat.

Since she was living nearby my house and I knew her well, I thought I could make fun of her by circling “Vagina” on her dictionary while she was concentrating on the class.

....10 years after that, I completely forgot such a thing.

When I went back to my hometown for summer holidays, I needed an English dictionary

So I looked for and found my old one from secondary school.

Opening up it, I found scribbles on it that I can’t remember.

“Penis” was circled, and it was written “I’ll pay you back for it, you idiot! I’ll wait for you at the library in lunch time.” on the margin of that page.

This reminded me of one thing.

Since around the day I shared her dictionary, she had always rushed to the library in lunch time.

I was thinking like “She’s been busy lately.”

Even her last day at secondary school, she was away at lunch time....
I showed the scribbles to my wife today.

She was blushed and said “You’re so late to find it!”

2011 World Yo-Yo Contest [Video]

Marcus Koh 1st Place 1A


Shinji Saito 1st Place 2A


Hank Freeman 1st Place 3A


Naoto Okada 1st Place 4A


Ben Conde 4th Place 4A (I reckon he deserves the 1st in 4A)


Takeshi Matsuura 1st Place 5A


Takahiro Hasegawa 1st Place AP

Sheryl Crow's concert

13 Anita Love ◆aBIq9yWij6  02/10/06 21:36 ID:cFKgycvS

I went to Sheryl Crow’s live 3 or 4 years ago, but the interaction with the audience was so bad.

Sheryl “You guys love country music don’t you!?”

Audience “Yeahhhhh!!!”

Sheryl “Do you know Hank Williams!?”

Audience “Yeahhhhh!!!”

Sheryl “You know him or not?”

Audience “Yeahhhhh!!!”

She was a bit in trouble.

14 Anon 02/10/06 22:18 ID:v4e9PHcK

Funny as! Most of the people there don’t understand what she’s saying in English.

35 Anon  02/10/11 01:37 ID:bUSOzg45

Come to think of it, Madonna’s concert in Japan was legendary.

Madonna “Can I go home now?”

Audience “Yeahhhhhhhh!!!!!”

One flaw

184 Anon：2011/04/03(日) 15:39:51.12 ID:h0pQ7fnc0

>>172

Girls prefer guys with some flaw over perfect guys.

For example, Toyohisa, who is manly, outgoing, honest but a bit clumsy, turns many girls on!

Girls would say “Toyohisa looks a bit scary but he’s somehow cute!”

189 Anon [sage]：2011/04/03(日) 19:41:24.09 ID:+Tq+CXyX0

>>184

I’m reasonably good-looking with decent income, my hobbies are snow-boarding and mountain bikes, am always in neat cloths, and have variety of topics that don’t bore girls but no-one has ever come to me.

Of course I let my guard down by saying “I love 10-14 year olds with glasses, they really are hot!”
What’s wrong with this? Girls are damn difficult!

Banana? 2 [Image]

Banana? 1 [Image]

Trip to the UK

167 ＠涙目です。(catv?)：2011/03/20(日) 17:07:02.37 ID:fbGtjerD0

I went on a trip to the UK.

On the second day, I went out to have lunch

But I thought bringing all my money with me could be dangerous

So I left my $2000 under a pillow.

When I came back, the room was super-gorgeously cleaned and arranged with flowers that weren’t there when I left and things like that.

The fridge was full of food and beverage, and even in the closet, there were heaps of lollies.

I didn’t understand what was going on there and went to the bedroom.

There was a letter saying “thank you” on the bed, and my $2000 was gone.

After all, I spent total $3000 within 3days and had to go back to Japan.

Look out of the window

100 VIP :2011/01/11(火) 15:07:19.60 ID:4fc/WU2n0

I like looking out of the window in the class.

Looking at the scenery, I think about what to do after going home and feel like going somewhere far.

Thinking of miscellaneous things while looking at the outside.

If it’s an afternoon class, I often fall asleep.

When girls are having a PE class at the schoolyard, it’s even harder to have a class.

I just can’t help staring at them.

Their peachy thighs and free figure make my heart pulsed.

‘She looks great, oh that girl looks good as well’

I forget that I’m having a class and fix my eyes on these girls.

But there is disturbance whenever I enjoy looking at them.

“Mr., please continue the class”

Perverts

138 Anon：2011/01/30(日) 13:14:24 ID:qMneGrXu0

This is a story when I was cross-dressing.

I was on the train, putting on a skirt.

Then I realised that the man behind me was panting awkwardly.

Looking back at him, he was staring at my skirt with his bloodshot eyes.

Besides, he started cutting off my skirt with scissors.

He was really pervy....

PONPONPON with translation [Video]

Some mind-fucking video Kyary Pamyu Pamyu Ponponpon lyrics English translation
I guess nobody gives a damn about what's sung in this bizarre song but I sort of translated the lyrics on a whim.

If everyone skips at those crossroads
If everyone shakes hands of each other in the middle of that town
If you want to grab an opportunity
It's still to early to cry isn't it?
I have no choice but to go forth

Pon pon you can just set it free
It's boring to not do much isn't it?
Headphones on, get rhythm on
Way way get out of my way

Pon pon so many things go forward
Is your heart gradually coming too?
Who is the naughty kid throwing stuff away? Stop it!
Good boy, ah
You make me happy

Everyday pon
Everytime is pon
Wanna get on the merry-go-round
Everyday pon
Everytime is pon
Maybe it doesn't work out does it?

Pon pon way way way
Pon pon way pon way pon pon
Way way pon pon pon
Way way pon way pon way way

Guy's intention

160 Anon(愛知県)：2011/08/02(火) 21:03:20.11 ID:8hTxkdq90

What guys say needs to be translated.

Get hottie’s attention by understanding his intention!

• I wanna see you > wanna fuck
• I wanna go back out with you > wanna fuck again
• Let’s catch up for dinner sometimes > let’s have a fuck sometimes
• You’re cute > wanna fuck
• Where are you living? > wanna fuck in your place
• That cloth looks good on you^^ > wanna take it off and fuck
• I’m so tired today so let’s catch up other day > come to my place for fuck
• My treat > let me have fun in return
• Bored > just let me fuck you now!

Fly's down

219 卵の名無しさん：2011/02/04(金) 13:52:12 ID:N4otEFSx0

I went to the bathroom at a station after work, and I realised the train was coming.

So I went up stairs in a hurry and rushed into the train that was about to leave.

Opposite to me, a beautiful woman in her late 20’s was sitting.

She suddenly came and grabbed my hand and made me hold her mobile-phone.

Looking at her face in surprise, she gave me an eye-sign that probably implied to ask me to see her phone.

Seeing her phone, it was displayed “Your fly is down”

I was so embarrassed but I thought I would say thank her as a gentleman.

I tried to type “Arigatou (Thank you)” in her phone, but when I put “A”, the predictive dictionary gave me “Anal”.

Giving her phone back with “Anal”, she seemed to be bitterly rocked.

I somehow felt like I won, so I got off the train at the station where isn’t far before my station and spent a good time the rest of the day and went home.

Rooftop

36 Anon：2010/09/21(火) 19:05:30 ID:OjCBrvx5

-at the rooftop-

“I ended up coming here again...”

He whispered and sat on a rusted pipe chair.

It was on the rooftop of one building there. Not that high, just an ordinary building.

He came here whenever he had some worries. No, it was more like he had to come here.

He did not remember the name of this building, but even if he had known the name he would not be able to come here by his own will. That was what he felt for this place.

Either way, it was not a matter to him where this place really was.

He was an ordinary business man, who faced unreasonable demands from his boss and a lot of complaints from his subordinates. Well, he was a typical middle-level manager.

Although he came here with some worries, they were something trivial.

His achievement was intercepted by his boss, he was pushed to do some tasks others did not want to do like research and difficult negotiation and as such.

But it was not that he had dissatisfaction with his job because he thought it was something he was supposed to do.

He spaced out, spent one hour on gazing stars and city, had a sigh and stood up to go home as usual.

Then he heard the sound that someone opened the door to this roof.

“Someone’s coming!”

He hid himself because of feeling guilty about getting into this building without the owner’s permission.

There were no lights here so he could not see who came in. Security or resident?

That person said

“Is anyone here? Someone’s here right?”

“Oh crap, someone saw me having come here!”

He could not move even an inch due to the fear of being accused of break-in.

“I know you’re here. I won’t do anything to you so just listen to what I say for a while.”

“?”

“You will come to this place several times in the near future. But please don’t think about quitting your job.”

The stranger continued his talk.

“What you’re doing right now will certainly help you get promoted in the future. So please continue forward with your job.”

“What’s this person? Howe come he knows me? Could it be!?”

He guessed that he himself time-leaped to here from the future to encourage himself in the past.

He himself knew it was a silly imagination but he could not help thinking like that.

“Excuse me then. I’m leaving now. Please don’t give up!”

The shadow of the stranger was swallowed into the dark stairs.

He spaced out for a while and calmed down.

“What was that?”

Saying that to himself, he somehow found it funny and started giggling.

He felt like he got a bit of energy.

“It was nice that someone knew and praised my effort”

He felt like thanking that shadow regardless of who he was.

A few days later, he determined to do one thing.

After work, he went up to the roof of a random building and said this loud.

“Is anyone here? Someone’s here right?”

Do not do this

673 Anon : 2010/11/08(Mon) 16:18:20 ID:4BLtZgHc

I saw this prank idea on one website

1. Lift up the toilet seat
2. Strain the plastic wrap and put on the toilet
3. Lift down the seat and look forward to someone coming in

I’m not asking you guys to do this, just saying I saw it on the website.