Bowel cancer

99 Anon :2011/06/16(木) 08:47:27.54 ID:COgqGfymO

When my dog had a poo, something pink and slippery came out.

I thought he might have got a bowel cancer or a part of his back passage came out so I panickingly took him to the vet.

“It’s not a bowel cancer.”

The vet hesitantly showed me the bound used condom.....

I became more panicked, held my dog and rushed out of the veterinary hospital.....

*sigh*

I haven’t paid yet...

What should I do......

Pausing [Image]

Hiding in a closet

36 Anon：2011/05/09(月) 22:02:39

Before my husband went to work in the morning, I told him that I would stay over in my parents’ place at that night.

But something urgent came up and I couldn’t stay there so I went back home in the evening.

So I just came up with one idea that I’d hide in a closet and surprise him.

My husband came back but accidentally had an eye contact with me looking through a chink of the closet.

I thought “Oh crap, he found me...” but he quickly went out.

Simultaneously I got a call from him.

“Something is inside the closet!!!”

I told him to double-check as it might be a mistake.

And when he tried to open the closet, I surprised him, shouting “Waaaaaaa!!!”

And he hit me by an umbrella....it hurt. 

Nuclear weapon

522 Anon：2005/07/08 17:50:39 ID:LalbEqiz0

I’ve got a nuclear weapon in my pants.

I have a nuclear war every night with my girlfriend.

523 Anon：2005/07/08 18:43:26 ID:Aq7SKe970

You liar.

All you do is just nuclear experiment on your own.

No wank for exams

208  ('A`)：2011/06/01(水) 18:08:22.82 0

Approaching the exam period, I determined to not wank for concentrating on the study.

But my sex drive intensely rose up. I tried to suppress such desire and studied hard for the coming exam.

The day before the exam, mine got erected even for looking at my mum’s bras.

And at the exam day, I finished answering all the questions with lots of extra time, thanks to my effort. Since I studied hard till the late night of the day before, I fell asleep.

I woke up when the bell rang but somehow my classmates were giving a glance to me. More precisely, they were looking at me as if I was revolting dirt.

My best friend sitting in front of me turned back to me and said

“Hey, did you cum?”

According to him, while I was sleeping, I murmured “Takako” the name of the girl I got a crush on.

Apparently I said  “Takako.....Takako.....oh fuck!” and winced like being cramped for a moment.

You guys should be careful too when you don’t wank.

Farewell story

“Don’t dump me!” said a poop.

Asshole dumped the poop with no words.

Asshole twitched as if there was something left to say

But even without a sigh, he dumped the poop.

Poop was dropped into the cold water.

She stared up at the asshole with a lingering attachment.

She was drowned so that no-one could see whether tears fell off on her cheek.

Asshole wiped off the last kiss mark with a white handkerchief.  

Ruby red on the white handkerchief.

It was thrown away into the water as if it would cover up the poop.

Dick was watching such a sad ending.

He was watching from behind the hills, feeling upset.

The farewell of two always makes him cry.

Letter from brother

509 Anon：2005/11/06(日) 12:18:21 ID:MILI9/u5

There was a letter next to my pillow when I woke up.

In the two-folded letter, it was written “Dear sister” with my brother’s neat hand-writing.

I opened up the letter while feeling so anxious as I thought my brother would leave the house or something.

Meaningless shouts: 5 times

Whispers on the way to go to the bathroom: 3 times

Shouts at me when we were dancing as a joke: 4 times

Shout while reading a manga: 1 time

Cries when you were shut in your room to do some otaku tasks: 4 times

You said Unko (poop) 18 times.

Very improper word for a girl.

From now on, say O-haisetsubutsu-sama (O’ Magnificent Excretion) instead.

By the way, have you seen my porn magazine? Just can’t find it.

Sincerely,

Your magnificent brother

I’m more concerned about your miscalculation than myself saying poop unconsciously....

Make-up [Image]

Wish

174 VIP：2009/03/25(水) 23:14:21.48 ID:gUeTO49J0

One day, T was granted the power to make his wish come true by strongly praying for it.

It was the power the God gave him because the God felt pity for his too ordinary life.

T got to know about this power he got in his dream but didn’t take it seriously.

“There’s no way such movie-like story exists.”

But every random wish he prayed for was granted so he had no choice but to believe this.

“This is just amazing, I can get whatever I want!”

Although he got the great power, he kept going for work as it was a part of habit in his long life.

After finishing his work, on the way back home, his hateful boss was driving before him.

“Well, I’ll pray for him getting a car accident!”

His boss died as well as T.

Peeking cam

383 Anon：2006/09/08(金) 01:19:20 ID:BrIf9ljr

The caretaker of the building where my company’s office is in was arrested for peeping at the female bathroom through setting on cameras there.

Since this was found out not long after he set the cameras, the case didn’t go public. It was decided to internally sort out this problem rather than make a fuss and get people’s attention.

But there’s one issue here. 

I often have overwork so sometimes I’m left alone in the office after other girls leave, and I’m the only one who uses the female toilet.

So I often had a pee and poo while keeping the door open, shouted “Wooooooohoooooooooo I feeeeel like I’m at hoooooooooome!!” mouthing a toothbrush.

In front of the mirror, I practiced the steps for aerobics with smiley face, tried to find the best-looking angle and took off my panties and enjoyed breeze going through my crotch.

I even danced or sometimes panted as if I was having sex just to reduce stress.

That revolting caretaker saw everything I did there and on top of that, the tape was submitted to the police.

I really wanna die by biting my tongue off now.

400 383：2006/09/08(金) 02:40:12 ID:BrIf9ljr

When I had an interrogation at the police, I said “He was always kind and very hard working... I’m so shocked” with great sadness on my face just like I was starring on a TV drama... *sigh*

Do not flush crows down [Image]

Trap for girls

180 Anon：2006/11/30(木) 20:55:13 ID:aSpxqTvi

My boyfriend went back while leaving the toilet seat up

So I unknowingly sat in and got stuck in the toilet.

Since both my legs were not on the floor I couldn’t stand firm.

There was nothing to hold around so I desperately pushed the back tank and it took 2 hours to get out of there.

Modern Ninja

72 Anon：2011/05/10(火) 04:08:17.47 ID:ACI/+jLv

This is ages ago, when I was working at a restaurant, a tourist-looking foreigner came ask me whether Ninja doesn’t exist these days anymore.

I said “There are many!”

“Where? And who are Ninja?” said him.

“You can’t tell from the appearance” answered me.

Then he said “Why not? Ninja is supposed to be in black cloths, holding a sword on his back….”

So I said

“What’s the job of Ninja? They are some kind of spies and snipers right?

If they were in all black cloths and held a sword oh their back, people will soon find out that they are Ninja.

The modern Ninja are in business suits or the outfit just like you wear.

They don’t have to dive into the lake with bamboo pipes anymore.

They now carry on the missions through high-tech tools made in Japan.

They used to work under Shogun but nowadays they belong to a national organisation.

They are alike of CIA but the government doesn’t publicly acknowledge their existence.

Ninjas can be not only public employees but also private employees and ordinary people.

If you want to know more about it, go get the book called “Gendai no Ninja (Modern Ninja)” published by Tamiake Shobou.”

He ran for the book shop. 

Cat and tablets

684 Anon：2007/07/29(日) 00:53:15

In the beginning of May this year.

My boss was grumpy and he was taking his frustration out on me.

One day he told me off for something uncontrollable to me, called me useless and complained about my disability, which made me hate everything in the world.

I had depression so I had got a plenty of pills.

I was so disappointed at everything around me so I brought all the tablets at home and opened them up on the table to kill myself. While taking the tablets out of the tablet sheet, my cat came to my room as she likes playing with that sheet.

She usually plays soccer with it, but at that time she slapped my cheek and hands, scattered the tablets on the table, and screamed so loud.

I was stunned then but my parents came to my room hearing her scream.

After all I was scolded by my family and doctor and my suicide plan failed.

But eventually the boss of my boss got to know my mental state, and he was bitterly interrogated at the manager meeting.

Since then, every night my cat comes to my room before I go to bed, and stares at me right next to me as if she is making sure that I take the right amount of tablets.

I’m such a bad owner but thank you so much for being with me!

Frog

54 Anon：2011/06/02(木) 17:39:50.78 ID:7ZvFDqHp

I also have got a similar experience.

One evening, coming back from work, there was a frog in front of my house.

I was amazed cos there is no field around my house and it’s in the middle of the city here.

So I brought a piece of bread for the frog from my house but it didn’t make a move at all.

I thought frogs may be predatory so I brought a sausage but it didn’t move at all as well.

I was bored so I went back home.

In the next morning, my wife was furious because of the following reason.

“There is a big crap with a piece of bread and a sausage. Someone might be making fun of us but I don’t quite understand it!”

Of course I haven’t told her the truth.

I’m planning to keep this secret till I pass away.

Wizard

78 Anon：2011/05/08(日) 09:45:16.30 ID:W0KhB9Il

When an elderly woman was taking a nap while having a male cat on her lap, a wizard came to her.

“Hi, I’m a wizard. I can grant you three wishes”

“Stay away from me” said the lady. “Don’t make fun of an elderly woman.”

“Hey, I really am a wizard”

“Then why don’t you turn that pumpkin into a golden carriage?”

“Sure”

As soon as the wizard swang his stick, the pumpkin became a golden carriage.

Seeing this, the elderly woman was suddenly motivated.

“Turn me to a young beautiful princess!”

“Of course.” The wizard swang his stick, and the elderly woman became a beautiful princess.

“What’s next? This is the last one.”

“Turn my cat to a rich prince!”

The wizard swang the stick and the cat became a good-looking prince.

“I granted you three wishes so good-bye!”

After the wizard went away, the prince took the princess’s hand and whispered to her ear

“Now you regret that you got me castrated at the vet last year don’t you?”

Toilet bike that runs with 'ecological' fuels [Image]

Shit classification

78 VIP：2009/05/13(水) 13:49:23.32 ID:X8kXNSSy0

Ghost shit

Even if you think you pooped, there’s no shit in the toilet but when you wipe your arse, this type of shit is on the paper.

Clean shit

When you think you pooped, there is a shit in the toilet but nothing is on the paper when you wipe.

Wetty shit

The shit that makes you feel like it’s still on the arsehole even when you wipe 50 times. You might put the paper on the hole and leave the toilet.

Second shit

The shit that makes you feel like pooping again after you pull up your pants. If you try, you can actually shit again.

Heavy shit

The shit in the morning after the day you ate and drank too much.

Rocket shit

Since this shit comes out as fast as a rocket, you have to pull down your pants quickly.

Power shit

As this type of shit comes out with great force, the splash makes your arse wet. You have to wipe wide range of your bum.

Liquid shit

It takes a form of liquid, and generally speaking, it comes out with pain and big sound. Even 3 days after this shit, your hole might hurt.

Shocking shit

The smell is so strong that everyone stays away from the toilet after one hour of this shit.

After-honeymoon shit

The shit you have with sound without hesitation even when there is someone around.

Voice shit

This kind of shit is too hard to cut so you need to moan to have.

Break shit

Because of the great quantity, you have to have a break and flush once while pooping. Otherwise, the toilet gets stuck when flushed.

Back-to-nature shit

The shits naturally had and left in the mountain, on the sideway of a country town, or sometimes even in the underground of buildings.

Impossible shit

The shit you feel like making under the circumstance where you’re never be able to go to the bathroom. You can only give up everything or you have a back-to-nature shit.

Air shit

You’re sure you can poop, but only fart comes out from your hole.

Non-air shit

You let it out because you thought it was just fart, but it was a shit. In most cases, this shit leads to a grievous situation.