Twins

763：Opera最強伝説(富山県)：2010/08/01(日) 08:47:01.99 ID:kLLA6BEB

My girlfriend has a twin sister.

Last night I happened to find my girlfriend at the station

So I sneaked to her back to surprise and said

‘Hey it’s me!!’ and rubbed her tits.

But she was a stranger.

Shoplifting

138 VIP：2010/02/28(日) 09:02:03.10 ID:y0eYok+d0

When I was at the age of 11, I was caught for shoplifting at a supermarket nearby my elementary school.

My home room teacher (43 years old) immediately came to the shop.

As soon as she found me there, she slapped my face. I almost cried, but she looked like she was about to cry as well.

“Theft is the worst thing you could do. Don’t you realise how many people feel sad by your doing this?”

“You eat that lolly you stole and it’s gone, but the fact you stole it will never be gone in your life.”

She told me off for like an hour, saying things like that.

A shopkeeper who caught me said he would let me go, but my teacher kept scolding me

After 7pm, we finally left there. (The shopkeeper didn’t call my parents as my teacher told me off enough)

My teacher said “You’re hungry right?” and treated me noodles and dumplings at a ramen restaurant.

As I opened my mouth wide, the slapped side of my cheek hurt but the noodles were really delicious.

She took me to my house by car, and before dropping me off, she told me

“You can decide whether or not you talk about what happened today to your parents. But look back to what you did, and think about the significance of it.”

This is still one of the 5 best episodes in my life.

The problem is, I didn’t do shoplifting.

Fart

616 Anon：2010/07/31(土) 09:42:54.74 ID:G8qg5zsI

As I was taking science at elementary school, my science teacher was pouring some chemical stuff on the cloth.

Maybe because of the chemical reaction, the cloth made the sound like ‘pong!’ and Tanaka, sitting behind me, farted simultaneously.

Everyone in the class room laughed out, Tanaka laughed and even the teacher laughed loud.

However, the teacher poured too much chemical stuff on the cloth due to this distraction, and it started smoking.

The cloth emitted clouds of smoke, and finally the fire alarm went off.

This cause a big fuss like all the students at school evacuated, fire brigades came, and even the inspection party of town councillors who happened to pass by came to the school.

At the homeroom on that day, that science teacher (young and really good-looking) who caused the smoke had watery eyes,

Somehow many girls there were sobbing as well, and started shouting

“It’s all Tanaka’s fault farting in such timing”

“I agree!”

Tanaka was having a “Whaaaaat????!!!!!” face

And boys were looking at him and laughing.

The following day, the rumour, that the science room was blown off because Tanaka’s fart was ignited, was spread among the town

And he was the most famous boy in the town till he graduated from the secondary school.

Rice ball Panda [Image]

http://pic.himarin.net/photo.php?id=4yos8z

Almighty God

163 Anon : 2008/02/04(Mom) 01:59:15.42 ID:p87PdWtu0

Probe that God is not almighty.

168 Anon : 2008/02/04(Mon) 01:59:34.68 ID:e4DoHtrW0

>>163

My existence.

176 Anon : 2008/02/04(Mon) 02:00:47.47 ID:p87PdWtu0

>>168

don’t be harsh on yourself

404

404 Anon：2006/07/05(水)16:45:13 ID:Eui6ghCA

Just a sec.

405 Anon：2006/07/05(水)18:46:07 ID:1PN1pCsX

Since then, no-one has seen >>404....

406 Anon：2006/07/05(水) 18:57:40 ID:So77hLim

This is so-called “404 Not Found”

Love letter

271 Anon：04/06/12 15:20 ID:L5uOvBWF

It was so noisy cos the son of the neighbour (maybe high schooler) was playing music or watching TV at the loud volume every day.

On top of that, that brat played the guitar even at 1am.

Other neighbours also had complaints but that family of the son would never listen to us.

I thought the normal way wouldn’t work out so I wrote a fictional love letter.

“Whenever I see you on the way to go to school, my heart starts pounding.

Yesterday I followed you by your house.

Your favourite musician is **** right? I do love him too! This can be a fate?

If you’re interested in me, please give me the message.

I would be listening to you by your side... ”

“You’ve read my letter haven’t you? I’m so glad!!

My effort coming to your place everyday was rewarded.

The ****’s song is the message to me right?

‘You’re the only one!’

I nearly cried because of the joy!!”

After the fourth letter, the volume dramatically went down lol.

About 6 months later, he started making a noise again

So I sent the letter again.

“I thought you forgot about me, but looks like you still can’t forget, right?

That song is your feeling to me isn’t it?

Jesus, I’m so happy that I didn’t give up you.

I’ll be thinking about you every day, every night.”

Then, the volume didn’t go up again ever.

Woody [Image]

http://pic.himarin.net/photo.php?id=4wn0pj

Drunk guy

430 Anonymous 2006/09/29(Fri) 15:11:35 ID:W5HxzMXX

Drunk people are pretty funny as long as you keep a distance from them.

A totally wasted guy at the toilet of the station pulled the fly down,

put his fingers inside the pants and said

“Huh? Where is it!?”

What the fuck are you saying?

Look for it more carefully!

Stockings

910 Anon：2007/05/31(木) 01:09:44 ID:sdVv60K2

My hobby is fishing, and old stockings are really good to clean fishing rods.

But unfortunately I don’t have a girlfriend

So it’s a bit hard to get used stockings.

One day when I had a drink with my colleagues after work,

Girls got drunk and began to talk about ‘how to throw old stockings away’.

Some said they cut them into small pieces, other said they wrap them with papers to prevents perverts from collecting them.

One girl said “I also cut them into pieces and throw away, but it’s such a hassle”

So I said like “Really? What a waste! Can I have them? Stockings are really good to rub a stick. ”

Everyone got disgusted. Only my boss (50-year-old lady) joked like

“What about my stockings? Am I still attractive to you?”

I was panicked and said

“Well, I use them just to finish off”

I really wanted to hang myself then. This story sound like a made-up one, but it’s unfortunately a real story.

Wrestling DVD

117 Anon: 2011/02/28(月) 21:05:57.36 ID:Qc5WGvHj0

I lent a wrestling DVD to my colleague (male)

↓

The co-worker (female) asked me what it was.

↓

The male colleague answered like “it’s the video in which the flesh bumps against others’ flesh”

↓

“Eww revolting!” said the girl, and looked at us as if seeing some filth.

↓

I explained like “Hey, you’re misunderstanding! This isn’t something obscene. This is just the video in which naked guys sweat and hold each other sometimes and their body fluid spurt” and cleared up her misunderstanding.

↓

After that, she somehow came out that she’s actually into BL.

Erotic music [Image]

http://twitpic.com/4rffee

Yummy Grandpa

7  Anon : 2010/12/24(Fri) 17:36:30 ID:y2u3sExX0

My Grandpa passed away when I was 4.

After the funeral, we were heading to crematory

I asked Dad “Where are we going?”

“We are going to burn Grandpa” said Dad.

I didn’t quite get what it meant then and fell asleep.

I was at home when I opened my eyes.

After a while Mum said “Dinner’s ready!”

The menu at that night was grilled pork with ginger on it.

My Dad started eating it with sobs, so it made me believe that 

the meat was Grandpa and I hesitantly started eating it as well.

Since I loved my Grandpa so much, I said “Yummy Grandpa” with sobs.

Hearing this, Dad started crying so much and Mum asked me if I could see Grandpa being with us.

I, thinking that the meat in front of me was no doubt my grandpa, answered “He’s in front of us.”

Then Mum begun to cry too, and I cried even harder.

It’s in 10 years time I get to know the favourite of my grandpa was grilled pork

Since that day, whenever Mum cooked meat I asked her “Who’s this? Who is this?”

She then said “Not ‘who’, just say ‘what’ ”

It’s really embarrassing but I had been thinking all meat was humans by the time I turned 10.

Innocence

On married men’s board

876 Anon: 2007/10/02(火) 20:48:56 ID: 8wuSN2nj

There’s one story I want you guys to listen to.

Shamefully, I don’t have much income but I was desperate to get Rolex’s cosmography Daytona

So I was saving money. I even set its picture on the wallpaper of the desktop.

My wife, who doesn’t give a damn about watch, was making a fool of me like “What’s so fun to see the picture of a watch?”

Well, many women are like this anyway.

And yesterday, it was my birthday and she gave me a present.

It was a big surprise to me cos she hadn’t given me any present since we married.

Unwrapping and opening up the box, there was a watch inside. Chronograph.....Daytona?

The brand of the watch was Elgin.

My wife smiled at me and said “You wanted it right?”

I nearly cried for joy then.

I don’t need Daytona anymore! I’ll use this watch till the day it stops working!

I swore that I will treasure this one the most!!

On married women’s board

15 Anon: 2007/08/21(金) 00:09:51 ID:QiGULDW0O

My husband wants a watch called Daytona.

He’s looking at its picture on the wallpaper everyday.

Looks like that watch is bloody expensive (above $10000).

Seems like he’s saving money for it.

I really don’t want him to buy it. What can I do?

16 Anon: 2007/08/21(金) 00:10:06 ID:qYb0vG9+0

>>15

Give him the one called “Elgin”.

That looks similar and just $300.

Stalker

653 Anon : 2010/09/23(Thu) 00:01:35 ID:ryYFOhzV0

When I was 19, I saw a doctor for having appendix

Few days after that, that young doctor started calling me and asking me out.

I felt so scared cos it's so unusual to get a private call from your doctor isn't it?

But I couldn't strongly say no to him, so my Dad picked a phone for me and shouted at him

“You pervert! Do not call her ever again!!”

Dad still regrets that.

Djungarian or Golden

169 Beginner 2006/04/10(月) 22:53:39

Please give me some advice to have a hamster for my first time.

I’m thinking of djungarian or golden, male or female,

Which is better to have for the beginner like me?

171 Anon 2006/04/11(火) 15:05:19

>>169

Golden hamsters are calm and relatively clever, and they barely bite you

But there are not many options for keeping kits for big hamsters like them

And if they happen to bite you, you’ll breed badly.

Djungarian hamsters are widely available at pet shops, and easy to find keeping kits for them

But every djungarian has a really unique personality

So if you get the one that doesn’t get used to people, you probably have no chance to get along with him/her.

They both have good and bad points.

Just choose whichever you like.

172 Beginner 2006/04/11(火) 18:47:49

>>171
Thanks, I bought a parakeet.

How Japanese think of Europe (UK/France/Germany/Italy) [Image]

Click the image to enlarge.

Note: Shoujo (Girl) sounds similar to Shousa (Major), and Japanese people often associate Germans with their army.

Thread: The memory of early childhood can be fabricated

Thread:
The memory of early childhood can be fabricated according to the psychological experiment

1 Anon : 2010/12/14(Tue) 13:11:10.74 ID:08rm0pN00

If someone credible tells subjects the made-up story that they went skiing with their family 

when they were at 3 for the first time, most of the subjects would say they didn’t go skiing.

But in the second time, a few of the subjects become able to remember the memory of skiing

And in the third time, more than half of the subjects say they went skiing when they were 3 years old.

In addition, some of them even remember what examiners didn’t talk about.

Your memory in the early childhood might be merely implanted by your parents talking about it.

This means if I make the parents of that hottie say that I am her crush three times,

She would recognise me as her crush.

2 Anon : 2010/12/14(Tue) 13:11:57.62 ID:v+PUN6qT0

>>1

You’ve been hopeless since you were little.

4 Anon : 2010/12/14(Tue) 13:12:52.34 ID:IsRSDfnE0

You’ve been hopeless since you were little.

5 Anon : 2010/12/14(Tue) 13:13:18.55 ID:ppvw39AeP

You’ve been hopeless since you were little .

7 Anon : 2010/12/14(Tue) 13:14:21.83 ID:08rm0pN00

Come to think of it, I’ve been hopeless since I was little.

Help! [Image]

http://pic.himarin.net/photo.php?id=4tk40l

Slutty noodles

357 Anon 2011/01/11(火) 21:04:04.29 ID:7NwpfCjE0

Sis “N-No, please don’t do that...”

Sis “Wrapping is already torn, and only a lid is left!”

Sis “No! P-Please!! Don’t open the lid....”

Sis “You bastard! You’re such slutty noodles!!”

Sis “Hey there are two sachets!! You’re actually tempting me aren’t you?

Sis ”N-No, it’s not that....”

Sis “’Add them right before you eat’? I can’t wait, I’ll add them now!!”

Sis “Oh no! Please!! Water isn’t even boiled enough!”

Sis “You’re so wet with cold oil and seasonings!”

Sis “I’ll pour hot water inside you next!!”

Sis “I want it...”

Sis “What’s that!? Say loud!”

Sis “I want hot water inside me!”

*creak*

Sis “!!!!!”

Me “ ('A`;)”

Sis “...did you see it?”

Me “...Nope....”

My sister was talking with instant noodles…

355 Anon 2011/01/11(火) 21:03:13.80 ID:7NwpfCjE0

Sis “You’ve got a great peachy body!”

Sis “Please, oh no, my lord...”

Sis “What’s wrong with this? See? You’re shaking for pleasure aren’t you?”

Sis “Please stop it, my lord! I have a fiancé...”

Sis “You shut up! Just be my own girl for now!”

*creak*

Sis “!!!!!!!”

Me “.... ('A`;)”

Sis “..... Did you see it?”

Me “.....N-No.....”

My sister was talking with jelly….

Cute invention: Neco mimi (Cat ears) [Video]

Unexpected customer

39 Anon：2011/01/01(土) 23:51:15 0

One day an elderly lady with a stick came to an adult shop.

“H-H-Hello, d-d-do you have a-a-adult toys here?”

Her back was bent with age, and her voice and hand holding a stick were shaken.

A shop keeper was surprised with an unexpected customer in his heart

But kindly answered

“Yes, we have many toys for special purposes.”

“T-T-Then , what about t-t-this shape of thing?  Like something that m-m-moves with batteries and y-y-young ladies use...”

She draw circle with her shaking finger.

“Do you mean vibrators? They are over there.”

He pointed at the inside of the glass case.

“Y-Y-Y-Yes, p-p-please tell me h-h-how to switch it off”

Silly invention: Artificial boobs

Thread: Replacing the word “Car” with “Undies” makes the world peaceful

1 Anon: 2010/10/25(月) 16:49:31.37 ID:Hj9eN/2J0

You know, when it comes to undies, white is the best colour

16 Anon: 2010/10/25(月) 16:52:38.93 ID:hINy8H2WP

I’ll buy your undies

40 Anon: 2010/10/25(月) 16:54:40.48 ID:D4thRCRY0

Hybrid undies

61 Anon: 2010/10/25(月) 16:57:25.80 ID:vkF8XksRO

Second hand undies market

177 Anon: 2010/10/25(月) 18:00:21.04 ID:5yVvuMitO

Thief “Prepare the undies to run away!!”

Japan Self-Defence Forces use Moe posters for recruitment [Image]

[Text]
Today's Moe Jobs!

[Text]
The more you know, the more you are proud of this job!

[Text]
Peace becomes your job

[Text]
It's so cool to do your best!

[Girls on the poster]
Morning Musume

Oops this one's actually not Moe

[Text]
Let's try the army uniform on!

Normal JSDF poster

Beer feminise men

568 Anon：2011/03/26(土) 03:25:17.08 ID:jBGfBakI0

Through one experiment, it was proved that beer makes men feminine.

In this experiment, examiners allowed 50 men to drink beer whatever amount they want and observed their tendency to be feminised.

The results showed following changes.
Men:

1. become talkative
2. become deaf to what others say
3. become intensely emotional
4. become illogical in talking
5. go to the bathroom more frequently

3 best moments you feel like someone is manly

324 Anon：2011/05/03(火) 04:28:41.23 ID:5MFEwayA

The 3 best moments you feel someone is really mainly

1. Blow sake (or other alcohol) on the wound, snip T-shirt and bandage it up

“When I went mount-climbing with my BF and I got cuts from branches on the ground, he treated my cuts like that. This made me fall for him even more” (Saitama prefecture/ 19yo/ Female)

2. Hold drumsticks on both hands and bite them off with a kingly zest

“My boss was having lunch like that, and it made me want to cook him something” (Kagoshima prefecture/ 40yo/ Female)

3. Sleep while sitting

“When I was drunk and my friend let me stay over in his place, he also let me use his bed. He slept while sitting although I didn’t mind sleeping with him in the same bed... He was so hot!” (Ibaraki prefecture/ 22yo/ Male)

Inheritance

467 Anon : 2010/12/19(Sun) 01:51:38 ID:o7qVxNQh

There was a lazy man who didn’t work at all and was playing around all the time.

His father, nearing his end, didn’t want his son to receive an inheritance without effort, and wanted him to work by himself.

After his death, the man received a key and a letter.

In the letter it was said “If you cannot gain anything no matter how hard you try, open the door with this key.”

The man, who can’t financially rely on his father anymore, put all the effort on work but his life didn’t go well.

Eventually he opened the door indicated in the letter.

However, there was nothing except for the rope hanging from the ceiling in the room.

“Are you saying I can just hang myself!?”

The man raged at this, he decided to work frantically.

Even so, his circumstance didn’t get any better.

He despaired of his life, and went back to that room to hang himself.

However, when he hung himself, the ceiling came down

And the piles of money from his father poured to him.

Kiss Transmission Device [Video]

Thread: Your life experienced an unexpected error

1 Anon : 2010/12/17(Fri) 19:49:03.01 ID:CE1VO05C0
To solve this problem, restart your life or contact the customer support center.

2 Anon : 2010/12/17(Fri) 19:49:44.49 ID:YKpG2vXdO
No jobs found for you

19 Anon : 2010/12/17(Fri) 20:00:11.67 ID:ctns/ElQ0
404 Job Not found

29 Anon : 2010/12/17(Fri) 20:16:34.57 ID:N1wtfq3h0
Not Responding

42 Anon : 2010/12/17(Fri) 20:27:20.92 ID:fpTUKoFk0
Logon failed: Serious communication problems detected

43 Anon : 2010/12/17(Fri) 20:28:32.17 ID:5FpO5++70
Father: Running
Mother: Running
Sister: Running
Brother: Running
Me: Not Responding

47 Anon : 2010/12/17(Fri) 20:34:48.05 ID:fpTUKoFk0
Access to the file ‘How to deal with people’ is denied

54 Anon : 2010/12/17(Fri) 23:36:41.45 ID:CcxdtxsoO
Search: My good points
0 documents matched

56 Anon : 2010/12/17(Fri) 23:47:24.64 ID:Lk9f+fk+0
Spy-bot-Search&Destroy detected the important change in registry
Category: Social position
Change: Value change
Entry: School
Old data: No friends
New data: Target being bullied

Allow the change

68 Anon : 2010/12/18(Sat) 00:36:35.92 ID:hSZD1r0pO
Hey guys, stop this shit, seriously

70 Anon : 2010/12/18(Sat) 00:41:45.90 ID:jKP4SaNh0
The connection between ‘you’ and ‘society’ has timed out
No Results Found for ‘Jobs’

72 Anon : 2010/12/18(Sat) 00:59:22.62 ID:7RtoATp10
Your life cannot build the connection with the network of people

79 Anon : 2010/12/18(土) 02:44:07.35 ID:hh1AXC/d0
Your life is shutting down......

How do single men in disaster areas deal with sexual desire?

678： 名無しさん＠涙目です。(山梨県)：2011/04/21(木) 16:29:57.73 ID:hn61uMiC0

This solves ever issue.